Like everyone else I`m relieved to see you are back home Dougie. That silence yesterday was worrying.

Thanks Eric, I feel very guilty of not being able to let folk know what was going on, but I had not expected to stay form the night, and as I say, my phone died.

Thanks for getting in touch.

.

Phew!  You did give me a bit of a scare as well as a few others, but it wasn't your fault at all.  I'm so glad you stayed in Guys.  It was the best thing to do and I think you needed that bit of a boost, which knowing that someone was looking after your interests will have given you.  

Well it's great that you've told the tumour to bugger off.  Just keep that frame of mind and keep aiming for that 30%.  I agree the chemo needs to pack a bloody good punch to get rid of your blight. Yes of course it will be tough!  You know that. But you're a tough Geordie, sorry, Sunderland lad.  Does that make you a Mackam?  

Got to go on a mercy mission now. Daniel's gone fishing and can't remember if he locked his front door.  So I have to go and check. 

Hi Caz, I was not sure how yesterday was going to go, considering what was going on, so I am very sorry if I was the cause of any worries last night, all I can say is thank you for the thoughts.

The staying at Guy's was really a sort of insurance against anything else going wrong, and as I said earlier I was probably glad it happened. I never really know what is going to happen at such times, most of it is common, but occasionally something unexpected does happen. This  time I experienced quite a lot of lower back pain, I have had it before, but not so severe, probably to do with the bowel which always takes a hit at such times. I have not evacuated the bowel yet,(sorry to be a bit graphic here) but hope to do so before the end of the day, no guarantee's of course, but as long as it does not effect the water works as well I will just about get away with it. Of course the pain issue had to be delbt with, no one seemed worried by it but me, but then I guess they have seen it all before. The pain killers they gave me seem to do the job, for now anyway. If the chemo does it's job, I may not need to take them for long, I hope not anyway. I hate pain killers, I don't like to take pills full stop, but pain killers tend to make you constipated, and I don't need that, particularly after the last experience.

I have just had a nice pork cutlet, with loads of mash and veg, including broccoli I followed this up with some chocolate ice cream with some cream on the top. I have some more, plus some chicken and some fish in the freezer, so I am set for a few days yet. I went to the library with a photo for the blue badge, plus my driving licence and other bits for them to photocopy, and a tenner. They will leiase with the powers that be and hopefully I will hear something in a couple of weeks.

In answer to your question above, yes, I am a Mackam, and proud of it, divent dunch us.

OK, I will leave you in peace now, thankyou for the thoughts, hopefully I don't have to spend the night in the loo. I did double up on the drugs yesterday, plus taking a sachet of Laxido, which I only take at chemo time. I hope that Daniel locked his front door, and that your brother is safe from Irma.        

Might be back on later, but intend to go out soon, so it will be late if I do

I'm back!  Daniel had locked his door and all was well.  My brother survived Irma unscathed and is basking in the Caribbean sunshine once again with his wife, who is also a proud Mackam, from Peterlee.  She's the one who corrects me when I call her a Geordie and has educated me on inhabitants of both sides of the river Tyne.  

It really doesn't matter that you gave us a scare.  You did the best thing and looked after yourself, which is so much more important and it's reassuring that you did the right thing.  Notice how much swearing I did in my last post?  

Don't apologise for your graphical descriptions of bowel movements, or not, as in your case. I think you do it with eloquence and I dare say Tony would suggest you've kissed the Blarney Stone!  

I hope you manage to get out tonight for a bit of R and R.  I'm off to bed now for mine. X  

Yes Caz, you are becoming one of us Mackams, we like to swear a bit, naughty girl.

Well, the first bit of good news is that there has been some movement in the bowel department, I am not sure of a total evacuation, but everything is still working. Water works still ok too, so the relaxing pills issued by Macmillans are doing their job well.

I did go out to Blackheath, but did not stay for long, it felt very damp and cold there even though the temperature was around 13°c. I did sit in the car with the heater running and play some music, so all was good. There is a concert there tomorrow and Sunday, headlined by Travis, so I might go there to give them some competition. The rest of the cast I have never heard of, but it will cause some chaos in the area with roads being closed etc. The next big thing on Blackheath will be the annual firework display. They put on a really good show, supplied I believe by Lewisham Council, and it lasts about half an hour. Why the residents around the heath buy their own fireworks as well, I really do not know, as you can't beat the professionalism and impact of a proper organised display, and its free. During the year, there are so many forms of entertainment there, from a large funfair, which opens the proceeding at Easter, a Circus visits, and of course the London Marathon.

I am hoping that I can get some sleep tonight, I did not get much last night as I was constantly being monitored, but the strange thing is, I do not feel tired. The anti sickness pills that used to knock me out, don't have that effect any more, and I seem to be existing on about 2 hours sleep a day, not enough I know, especially given the circumstances. I have only one booking for hospital this coming week, that is for the next chemo session on Thursday, so a bit of a rest week coming up thank goodness. The following week is manic, with 3 days already booked, and maybe more to come, not good.

I am glad your journey to Daniels turned out to be a bit of a waste of time, but at least everyone can sleep without worrying.

OK, that's it for today. Thank you all for the kind words, it's good to know you are all out there. Tomorrow may a difficult day for me, but I will try to post something.

Goodnight/gooday.

How is your Parrot getting on?, Dougie.

Good to see you posting again.

Morning Dougie.  Funny you should mention Travis. One of their songs comes to mind this morning, 'why does it always rain on me' when I've got an outdoors job planned?  It is forecast to clear up around 10am though and then we can re-commence work on Daniel's veranda.

Yes I know about swearing in the North East. I have family living in South Shields.  They're Sunderland supporters too!  

Right!  I need to move and get some shopping done before the rain stops.  Don't want to hold up the construction work!  Have a good day Dougie!   X

Slightly worrying moment when I caught up this morning, especially when Caz starting asking where you were. Glad I read on- although I did share your sentiment regarding the medics not getting it right. I know everyone's human, but in situations like yours Dougie you've just got to depend on their judgements.

Before my Mum died years ago, the medics did a few U-turns in her treatment which, looking back, makes me wonder if we couldn't have had her for longer. They used immune suppressants for a condition called Wegeners Granulomatosis (don't say it with a mouthful of anything) and although that subsided slightly, it allowed a rare form of leukemia in, which was the end really. But I remember different consultants advising opposite treatments and we were all at sea with it all.

So glad you're online though. As someone said to me once- chin up Bertie; both of them!

Hi all

As suspected yesterday, I am living in a different world today. I really do hate it when this happens but it is a reminder that that something is going on inside my body, certainly mentally, but hopefully physically also. I have slept for most of the time since my last post, and strangely the pain surrounding the tumour is not there, even without the medication missed by being asleep.

Hopefully I can snap out of this later and lead a more normal life, maybe go out for a while, get my washing done, and make myself something to eat.

Today is one of the very hard days, but has to be endured for the ends to justify the means, I just pray that the means justify the ends.

Maybe more from me later.

Just seen the Sunderland result.......pah

Morning Dougie.  I hate it too when you have a bad day but then I consider how you were a few weeks ago and it reminds me how far you've come.  Stop doubting that you can beat this thing!  You're bound to have bad days when you're weak, but that's the result of your treatment.  Like you say, if it didn't knock your body for six, it wouldn't be working how it's supposed to.

It's good that you rested yesterday after having so little sleep in the past few days.  You're catching up and that's a good thing.  The washing can be done another day and your health is more important.  Now we'll sing hymn number....  oh no.  Wrong place!  

Well, that's the Sunday sermon over with!  

I'm off to do a bit more construction work with hubby at Daniel's and I'll call in at Gemma's for a cuppa on my way.  There are advantages as well as disadvantages of having your kids living close by.  

Have a better day and if you get your washing done, I hope the weather is good enough to get it out on the line to dry!  I've just pegged out a line full but it's not looking great, although we're not forecast rain until much later.  We sound like a pair of old women talking about washing!  

Catch you later. X 

Morning Caz,

It's Sunday, and whilst a few of the residents here go to church, the rest do their washing, but you will see no wash lines. There is a communal laundry provided for this, but I do miss the fresh smell of hung out clothing, and no matter what fragrance the manufacturers come up with, it never comes close.

I did not post last night as nothing really changed, but today I am feeling a bit more with it. After a day of doing nothing, I suddenly decided late on last night to go out, not to Blackheath as I was not feeling communicable, but just for a drive, and ended up in Dover. This did me some good by opening up some of the senses, and I sat on Marine Drive with a bacon butty, and a hot chocolate.

On Friday, I had to see the house manager, who spends her day in the lounge, chatting to whoever. It's not something I have done over the time I have been here, as it's mostly the women residents who visit, and from what I have heard tend to be very to be very catty when discussing other residents, and that is as good a link as I could come up with, cats.

I have not seen them as they are not allowed to leave the flats, but a number of people have cats. The agreement is that if you own a pet when you move here, that is ok, but you are not allowed to replace them. My immediate next door neighbour has a sister who works for the Cats Protection League, and came up with a deal with the landlords whereby it became possible to alter this, provided the individual landlords were agreeable. Now, cats as a form of therapy is a good idea, so the house manger is actively seeking permission for me to have some company. If it's ok, the pet is obtained from the CPL on what would be a permanent loan, and they would take it back in the event of my death. Hope it all works out for me, it would be nice to have a welcoming face to come home to.

Today I am feeling a little better with things slowly returning to normal, but this can dip in and out sometimes. I have my washing going, and I think I will probably go to the cafe, just for a drink. After a sunny start, the weather has clouded over, but any rain is forecast for very much later in the day.

Have a good day y'all.

Good to see you are rested. Getting out and about with a bacon butty. That would be enjoyable .. Cat would be good company. I am in sheltered accommodation and need permission to do anything yet alone having pets or chickens... I use the laundry room as it it is free. Hope the rain keeps off.. 

Awww!  A cat is a lovely idea Dougie and it would be nice to have a friend to come home to and talk to.  Cats are such good company and take less looking after than dogs so you should have no problem getting your neighbour to pop in to feed it if you have to stay in hospital at any time.

We have Meg, short for Nutmeg, a name hubby gave her when we got her from our local cat protection. They'd called her Juniper and there was no way I was going to be shouting that to get her in. 

We all have cats that are from the CPL and all had posh names, though I expect they get so many they run out of ordinary names.  My mum had Octavia but renamed her Millie, she now lives with my youngest sister.  Gemma has Noel and Nicholas and she kept their names as she adopted them at Christmas, although I call them Nolly and Nick.  It will be interesting to see what names your local CPL come up with.  You may want to re-name yours too!  

We managed to complete Daniel's veranda roof, although putting up the last polycarbonate panel was a bit hairy, as the wind was getting up, which was good for drying washing.  I've worked up an appetite now and could just eat a bacon butty but I should really hold on until dinner's ready.  So, I'd better get the veg on then!  I expect Daniel will want feeding too.  

I hope you got yourself out for food or at least for a cuppa.  Catch you later maybe.  x 

I hope the cat idea works out, but as I say I am still waiting for permission. Knowing my luck, any cat would be an aloof, non interactive animal. Not sure if a senior would be better than a kitten, but at least with a mature cat you can see a bit more of what to expect from them.

Getting excited and looking forward to some company if it happens.

Progress in my conditions is very slow, but at least on the right side, so far. I will go out later, even if it's raining. In the meantime I am watching the Fox News broadcast of Irma, unbelievable and heartbreaking.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for permission to keep a cat.  It would be good for you.  I think perhaps a middle aged one would suit you and kittens are easier to re-home so you'd be doing a senior a great favour.  Meg was Six when we got her, although she chose us.  Hubby went into her pen and she went straight to him and that was that. Love at first sight.  

You will probably be able to go to the cat shelter and let one choose you.   They often have a bit of background history so they might be able to suggest which would be most suitable.  I think I'm getting excited too, so I hope you get the go ahead. 

Irma has certainly made her devastating mark. A lot of the places affected are ones I've visited.  Idyllic places where the people are so  poor, yet so happy that it's very humbling.  We were in Cuba in May in a beautiful area with lovely people who live such simple lives and they've taken a big hit.  Although somehow, I know they won't be complaining.  They'll be grateful to have survived and will take it in their stride.

We Brits grumble about our weather but we've got it good!  We should learn to accept what we've got and just get on with it, like the Caribbean people do.

I'm exhausted now I've acquired a cat and put Irma to rights!   

Hi Caz,

Irma is a catastrophe for the area, and it's going to take years to put back to it's former glory, such a shame.

Well, I managed to go out, even though I was not really up to it, but it was worth the effort. Company was good, and the tea was nice.

Travis and the gang had finished by the time I got there, but I still had to bribe the security to let me park in the normal place, as the road remained closed until 23.30. Huge crowds were still in evidence, and took quite a while to clear, most of them three parts to the wind.

Today, really speaking, has been another difficult day for me, although not quite as bad as yesterday. Bodily function became normal, but the pain returned, there is always a premium to pay it seems. I hope tomorrow will show signs of a little improvement, as there are things I want to do.

Have a good week y'all. g'night, g'day.

Morning Dougie.  I'm pleased you made the effort and managed to get out last night.  A change of scenery is always a boost to the senses and has a way of making us feel more normal.  

The good news of the morning is that Irma calmed down before wreaking more havoc in Florida.  It's cold and wet here though but I'm not complaining, yet!  

Have a better day and get those things done that are on your mind.  Catch you later!  X 

Just one for the road.Tough guy.

Don't let it beat you down man.

Not a fan,but one of his better ones, with the above twist of course.

Box on my man,Don't let that cancer,or anything shit beat u down.

One for the car maybe?.

Bob Dylan - Hurricane Lyrics - YouTube

At some stage Tony things become too hard to take. I don't know where my limit is, but this is pretty close. Sorry guy's for being so weak, but I despair as to what the future holds from here. I know I have got to fight, but I don't have a lot left in the tank.

Morning Dougie.  You're going through another rough spell, that does not mean you're weak at all.  Sometimes you need to take a rest from battle but that doesn't mean giving up the fight and it doesn't mean you stop believing in yourself.  Absolutely not!

It might help if you go back to the start of this thread and read a few pages to remind you just how much things have changed and how far you've come.  You've had some really rough days since the increase in chemo, which was expected and is understandable.  But it's on your side and is fighting in your corner.  It's not the enemy.

I know it must be hard and nobody can fight continuously.  You've shown great strength and determination all along because that's in your nature and nothing on earth is going to change that.  You are who you are.

I do hope you have a better day but try to get some rest too.  Sending a big hug to comfort you a little.  X