Thanks Caz, I needed that.

 I am experiencing a bit of a hard time right now, but it's Guy's tomorrow to see my consultant, and also the Haematology team. I am hoping for some information and guidance which might help. I don't stay down for long, and tomorrow's a new day.

Sure will Caz, and thanks.

Dougie, you've come this far already. I'm feeling pretty good for you right now, and I'm the most negative guy going lol. 

Chin up mate, is suggest things are an improving picture, albeit understandably slowly. Get plenty of rest and sleep. Sleep CANNOT be underestimated as a medicine. 

Thanks Matty for your encouraging words, and you are right, sleep is a big healer. I have fought many battles with this disease over the past few months, probably more by luck than judgement I have come out on top, but each battle becomes harder to deal with, and there always seems to be a new one just around the corner. The insertion of the stent was necessary to try to enable me to eat reasonably well, without the need for a feeding tube, and lets face it, who wants one of those. I am not sure where I stand if the stent does not correct the situation, it's a one way ticket, as far as I am aware, they can't remove it without causing a lot of damage to the oesophagus. I have had it for 9 days now, and although I have been able to eat, it's not without it's problems as tonight has proven, with a bout of severe vomiting. I hope to find out more when I go back to the hospital later today as to the time scale expected for improvement, if any, over my current condition.( no pun intended)

I might not sound it, but I am quite upbeat about the future, but it does not take a lot to drag me down again. The new sessions of chemotherapy due to start soon, will be a further downward step, at least initially, as chemo can be quite brutal at times. It has already damaged the nerve endings in my hands and feet, and they feel quite numb now. Sometimes they recover, sometimes not.

Anyway, sorry mate, I have gone on for far too long, I only intended for this post to be a quick thanks, so apologies. I will post perhaps in the evening, with any information I manage to gain from the experts, and I am keeping my fingers crossed that there will be some good news in there somewhere.

Thanks to everyone for the help and encouragement you have shown me, you are a great bunch. 

So, if you understand the importance of sleep, how come you were up at 3.40am?    

And another thing!  Why are you apologising for 'going on for too long' when that's exactly what this thread's about?  We all need a release at times Dougie and right now you need it more than most. You have some good friends on here who genuinly care about you and want to support you.  We want to be there for you and this is the only way we can do it.  So pour your heart out.  We're listening!  

End of lecture.  

 X

Still pulling for you very much at this end Dougie. I second what Caz and Matty have said. When my dad was seriously ill, he slept for most of the day and night and was incoherent awake when I visited him, but it's only during sleep that the body starts to do all its magical little repair jobs. 11 years on and dad's fighting fit now!

Take care.

This. 

Its your thread to do exactly that. 

I wouldn't have told you off like Caz did though 

Guilty as charged Caz, but really I have done little else but sleep since I came home, usually in 2 to 3 hour chunks. Your other point about apologising is taken on board, but I feel that I have already aired my washing in public, a little too much. I am essentially a very private person, and don't want to be accused of being an attention seeker. As you know, I did not really want to be involved in such a thread, but having given it some thought, I decided to try an inject an insider view of what cancer is all about. It's not all about the tumours, of which I have three, with the potential of many more from the seeds dotted around my body. This high lights the importance of seeking early investigation, because once a tumour has established, it becomes too big for its original area, and seeds off. If the tumour is treated before this occurs, you stand a far better chance of successful treatment.

The real battle with cancer, from a patient point of view, is all the little demons, physical and mental allied to the treatment. The list seems endless, and some are very minor, but lump them all together and the problems become very real. Constant nausea, constant tiredness, the chop and change between constipation and diarrhoea, the need to check temperature, blood sugar, and blood pressure every few hours, are just a few of the things I have had to deal with on a relatively minor level. Don't start me on the number of pills to be taken daily. and their side effects. Add to that, the mini stroke, and the additional DVT brought on by the chemotherapy treatment, and we are starting to get serious. The internal bleeding caused by the thinning of the blood (two injections a day in the stomach), and the problems are starting to compound, and effectively put most other treatments on hold until they are sorted, so thereby more or less back to square one once treatment can be continued. Then you have the CT scans, the PET scans, the Barium x-rays, the Endoscopy's, the chemotherapy treatment itself, and throw in an odd Radiotherapy session, and if you are lucky/unlucky, the operations.

I have built up a bit of a picture of living with cancer on a physical level, and there is so much more on that level that I can't go into here for reasons of time and space. I mention now briefly the mental aspect, this is very much down to the individual, and I understand fully those who go so far and give up. To do so is wrong, at least for me, but the short term "easier" option can be attractive to some. I leave it to others to judge my performance.

Nobody ever said it would be easy, but I did not realise early on how hard it can be at times. I am in it for the long term, so please forgive my "bad" days, of which there are many, but this disease will not take me yet. Doubtful though it may be, I want my telegram from the Queen, and to see Sunderland win the Premier League.

Ha!  That's told me then!  

You will never, ever be accused of attention seeking on here and it's obvious you're not a grumpy old man, so keep that dirty washing aired.  Mental state is important in any illness, especially one with limitless numbers of hurdles to conquer and talking helps relieve the burden a little.  

You've also helped me an awful lot too.  Your posts help me understand how my mum felt and it makes me feel closer to her.  A few on here will have an idea of what it's like to live with cancer.  But most of us don't and your insightful posts will help those of us who will have to deal with it in the future, either with ourselves or a relative.  So this thread works both ways!   

Thanks Caz, the post was not directed at you in particular, I just chose it to start to say what I needed to say. If, as you say, it helps both ways, and hopefully it does, then we have gone a long way into achieving what the aim of the thread is all about, thanks to you.

I suppose I had better start to get ready for the hospital visit, my first appointment is for 16.15, and the second is for 17.00, another rush hour struggle home I am afraid, standing all the way.

Will post sometime this evening with an update, if I stay awake long enough.

Here's hoping for a successful visit this afternoon.  

Best wishes to you Dougie, hope you are fighting fit again soon!

Home at last, but have very little positive to say I'm afraid. the consultation with the haematology people went as expected, in as much as they were happy with the progress made in dealing with the DVT.

Unfortunately, I did not get to see my normal consultant. I hate it when this happens, the one that's been dealing with me since the start was not there. I know they are all qualified, but they don't always see things in the same light. Anyway, I did not really get satisfactory answers to the questions I posed. The stock answer seems to be that different people have different experiences, so I still don't know what to expect, nor a timeline for any improvements, that may or may not happen. To an extent, I suppose there is nothing wrong with the theory.

After last nights sickness, I experienced another minor bout just before I left for the train, which was followed tonight by another major vomiting session. I would think that everything I have eaten today is now a distant memory. They have provided me with different pain killers and anti sickness pills for experimentation, maybe they will be better. I have to return to the consultant next Monday, when they expect to give the go-ahead to start the next chemotherapy cycle, which will take place Thursday week. Oh what joy!

The only good thing I can report is that I managed to get a seat on the train coming home home, so it was not all bad.

Thankyou Michael and David, its good to hear from you, your sentiments mean a lot to me.

Good to hear you are home Dougie.

Eat, sleep and keep on top of your fluids.

Baby steps everyday.

FWIW my 76 year old Dad spent 4 weeks in ITU at St Thomas's in February with all vital organs being supported after renal failure caused by endocarditus and sepsis. A 6 hour 'last chance' heart surgery was perfomed to replace two valves. 

He was home in April. Last week he walked the 1 mile round trip to get the morning paper. 

Your story is a positive one too. The body can be an amazing thing. 

You're doing really well Dougie. Its a step at a time even if its nano steps your health and healing is more important and releasing your feelings and emotions is all part of that. Rant, let go and let it all out its better than keeping it in. Also you don't want another telling off from Caz do you? lol 

Thanks for the encouraging words Jake, it's good to be able to chat with people, and it helps a lot. It's Caz I have to thank for this release, and I am oh so grateful to her for starting this thread. I certainly would not have done it on my own, so I can accept a telling off from her once in a while, as it brings me back down to earth.

Thanks again mate.

How are you feeling this morning Dougie?

you're welcome 🙂 glad you had people looking out for you.

Well, today is a new day, and I have made some changes. I have always been a believer in not taking pills for the sake of it. They throw medication at you for all sorts saying this will help, then they prescribe more medication to help you over the side effects of the original. So today, after yesterdays minor disaster on the eating stakes, and the inability to keep food down, I have decided to have a pill free day. No pain killers, no anti sickness, nor any of the long term medicine I have been taking, just to give my stomach a rest. I will carry on with the blood thinning injections as those are important and potentially dangerous to miss. So far, I have managed a small bowl of cornflakes, and one of those Ambrosia rice pots without ill affect. The only form of suffering so far is from the pain in my back and chest area, but I will put up with that if it means I can eat. If it continues to work well, I will dispense with them altogether, but if not, they are there to fall back on.

That's it for now, will keep you posted on any developments.

PS. Just seen your post Matty, the above will explain where I am right now. Thanks for asking.

The amount of prescribed pills would put anybody off. My first wife hated taking them but kept taking the pain killers.. She was much better in her feelings taking less.....