Some really heartfelt posts in here. 

I’m a firm believer that our mental health is really really tested over Christmas, I find myself feeling much more anxious, tired and irritable - so much pressure to be “on form” and sociable. 

Pre-existing mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety can be a load worse at this time of year for the same reason.

Weirdly, unlike most, I actually quite like early January when it’s all done and dusted and I can look forward to things later in the year, and try and get healthy again. 

Do it for them. What you do now will be their memories when you're long gone.

It's true that Christmas will never be the same as you get older and - even though I'm still under 40 - I've lost all my parents and grandparents. I have no close family and I live on my own (as an only child, I'm used to my own company). However, I'm at the stage where I can look back wistfully rather than painfully and be glad I had all those good times in the past. I know I'll never have a family Christmas again, but I don't find that depressing - it just means that future Christmases will be different.

The first Christmas without close family was always going to suck, so I went abroad with a friend instead (he and I had arranged this some years back, although neither of us expected it to happen so soon)! Even in Japan, though,  you can't escape "Ku-ri-su-ma-su", as they call it! Last year was the low point for me, the first Christmas at home alone.

As you can't live in the past, you have to change the future. This Christmas Day a couple of my friends will be coming round and we'll be playing games on a big screen for an hour or so - a little bit of fun. As mentioned in another thread, the Ashford Snowdogs have restored my festive feelings this year and for the first time since 2015 I've put up the decorations and so forth. Yes, I know I'll never go to the January sales with my mum and dad, looking out for cheap PC games; I know I'll never force myself to stay up until midnight on New Years' Eve, playing old favourite games and eating all sorts of snacks to try and stay awake, I know I'll never see dozens of cards on the mantlepiece and piles of presents under the tree. But, the key thing is, I did once... and I'll never forget. In the meantime, there are new traditions to be forged, such as playing games on Christmas morning with my friends.

Life doesn't stand still, you see, it's always changing. You have to make the most of what opportunities you have, for you never know what's round the corner!

I’m in my sixties now and all I see are sweet memories without the bitterness.  I’ve had bad times and I’ve made mistakes but I have no regrets as my experiences have made me strong and I’ve learnt from life.  I’m older, wiser and happy that I’ve loved and lost, rather than never having loved at all.  I don’t know how many more Christmases I have left, or how many years, months or days I have, but I know I’ll make the most of what I do have.  

This!

This will be the first Christmas Day since we got married, some 54 years ago, that we will not have some of the family with us or we with them.

I don't think it'll make so much difference as we will have accumulated five days with one member of the family or more in the week before or after Christmas itself. For instance, our daughter will be down for a trad Christmas meal on Boxing Day. It'll be odd, though, to be just us when 90%(?) of the country is with family, and all the social and entertainment activities of the country at large are set up to match the family model.

The real sadness, however, is going to be that because of the progress of Alzheimers this will be the first Christmas that my wife has no idea what all the fuss is about. That I do find really depressing. She managed to whisper, not really sing, along with the words of Christmas carols at the local 'nine lessons and carols' last night, but she doesn't remember doing so this morning.

Some really touching posts on here throughout the thread and I've been a little emotional more than once or twice.

Whatever your circumstances and however you spend Xmas, I hope you find some happiness and peace. You are all good people and I wish you the very best of Xmas love.

You and I are a similar age I think, and I share your feelings . However, you are lucky to have your own family and kids. That is something I missed out on and now of course the loneliness and isolation hits you at this time of year, even though I am used to being on my own, the memories of people I have lost floods back at this time of year, no matter how much I try to "normalise" Christmas - i.e. continue my same routine that I do all year. But it doesn't really work. I'm relieved when Boxing day comes. 

The irony of wanting the period to go quickly compared to my childhood when I wanted time to stand still on Xmas day!

I wish I could share your positivity but I only feel sadness when I look back.

My favourite memory was the annual trip to London to see the Lights and go toy shopping in Hamleys. As I got older, I became obsessed with computer games, so we got them from Selfridges but I still enjoyed looking around Hamleys, HMV etc

And we had salt beef sandwiches at Selfridges which was a special treat (even though I don't eat meat anymore!)

Like you I don't have kids. It doesn't matter now, but when we get old it might as who is going to help us when we become doddery and useless! But I plan to kill myself before I get to that stage

Nick, you don’t have to answer individual posts but do keep posting if it helps. I always say talking helps but sadly it’s not something we’re good at, especially when it comes to expressing our feelings and we really should try harder at it!  I’m sure this thread will be a great comfort to others as well as yourself because there are a lot of people who sense the loneliness and melancholy as is evident from other posters.  

With regard to doing things with your children.  Just do them!  Don’t wait for the right time because there never is one in the future. The only right time, is right now!  Don’t regret the things you didn’t do, because you were obviously doing something else, so that time wasn’t wasted.   We can all look back and think ‘why didn’t I do that?’  The answer is always, ‘because it wasn’t appropriate, or the circumstances weren’t right’. 

Instead of looking back or worrying about tomorrow, live for today and face tomorrow head on.  We can’t change the past and we can’t prepare for things to come when we have no idea what they’ll be, but we can do things today that make us smile.  If you end the day with a happy thought, you’re more likely to wake up with one tomorrow. 

One thing I learnt from losing my son was that my sadness was heartbreaking for those who love me.  They were hurting because I was hurting and they thought there was nothing they could do to help me. But they were wrong.  They got me through because my desire for my loved ones to stop hurting was greater than my sadness.  Your family are the ones who hurt the most by seeing you sad and they matter the most. 

I know that these are only words, heard before no doubt, but I know from experience that they’re true!  We may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s there!  

As someone who struggle with agoraphobia and looking after an elderly mother but mercifully I don't experience depression, I've been shying away from Christmas & NYE more and more with each passing year  . . . actually, from most social situations throughout the year come to think of it!  However, I've always been a "humbug" type of person from the start so it's become "second nature" for me anyway. I simply don't have the energy or nerves to handle the present buying, food shopping, etc, in a packed out town centre, even the thought of it sends a shiver down my doobries. I'm quite comfortable enough financial-wise where I don't really want for much, so I can actually enjoy it in my own quiet diminutive manner and be thankful that I have a warm dry home with a full food cupboard and surrounded with my own things and be debt-free (oh, and a decent internet connection is a must have in my house) and I get on well with my sister who lives only around the corner.
  Having said that, I do have some fond memories of Christmas past when my parents were still together and most of my relatives were still alive (my mum is part of 7 siblings, 4 of them are now dead) and talking to each other where we used to take turns in hosting the Christmas dinner and the fun games afterwards, but that's all in the past and is something I cannot change.

Nick I know you called the thread 'Christmas depression' but for me it has been one of the most upbeat, inspiring and unexpected threads on TWO this year.

Thank you.

At the age of 77, with blood cancer and heart failure, I`m just glad I can still enjoy the Christmas season, although for how much longer is anyone`s guess. 

Being surrounded by our family for Christmas dinner, 2 sons and their wives and 3 children means the emergency chairs will be in use, but that makes life worth living. Being with family at Christmas is what makes it such a special day.

So, I would say, count your blessings!

Inspiring indeed!  It makes us think doesn’t it?  

While we’re wrapped up in our own thoughts and racing around preparing for a day we’ll all be too knackered to fully enjoy, we should remember that those of us who are able to enjoy it to any degree, are the lucky ones!  

Fine thread indeed. I look forward to Christmas and over the years have experienced it in different ways. Obviously as a kid with my parents and then as a student I would still go back and stay with them. Later it was my wife and daughter and generally we would visit our parents before and spend the "big day" on our own. When my daughter flew the nest we started inviting friends round for drinks and dinner. Last year the Mrs and I spent it on our own. This year daughter and hubby are coming round for dinner.

My personal advice:

1) Avoid routine. It may be passing down traditions but it also has the potential to pass down and foster resentment. 

2) Be careful with the friends thing. We stopped it fairly quickly because a couple we invited had been arguing just before arriving and were in a vile mood. It ruined it for everyone! The best times with friends are during the year and not big preplanned "set piece" dinners etc.

3) If you don't enjoy Christmas that's a shame, but IMO you're not missing out on the best day of the year. Far from it! There are many better ones which occur unexpectedly through the course of an average year.

Like me, you have have reached an age where you can count your blessings and be grateful for life.  No doubt you went through a stage during mid life when you questioned things that you now take in your stride, just as I did.  

I absolutely agree with everything you said!  

One aspect of depression, especially at these sort of occasions, is that you can think you're the only one struggling. People from a wide range of characters and circumstances have posted on this thread to talk about how different aspects of the Christmas period can affect them, and indeed how sometimes everyday life can be an emotional mountain. If nothing else, this thread illustrates that regardless of our opinions on certain matters or how we conduct ourselves, we're more alike than we may seem. That is a comforting thought in itself.

Some really excellent posts here. Need a decent amount of time to read them all as I intend to.

Sorry to hear that.

My mother had it and as you know there is nothing I can say of comfort

Its very sad to see the person I depended on for so many years become the child and me the parent, and in the latter stages she didn't know who I was. I was just another carer. 

But I try to remember her as she was when I was younger

This is a beautiful and emotional thread to read 

Take care over the Christmas period folks. 

I don't mind January and, for that matter, February either tbh Joe. While the weather in both months can be rather frightful at times, to me the fact that the days are slowly but surely lengthening again is a a prefectly adequate compensation for whatever the weather may thrown at us.

I suppose that if someone ever asked me to name a month of the year that I really don't look forward to at all, it would be November. I never much like it at the tail end of October when the clocks go back an hour and all of a sudden, it is dark and hour earlier and we still have another six weeks or so to go of the days still shortening. At least now, that process is complete for another year and although we won't start to notice the days lengthening until mid-January or so, the lengthening process will be underway from this weekend and we will be working our way towards the longest day/summer soltice again.

Best bit of it all is that that is the shortest day done and dusted!

No matter how grim things become the dark nights are now in retreat!

Sometimes I think we would all do better if we peeled back the nonsense and got back to our pagan roots at this time of year!

Maybe this is a peculiarity of mine, but I always find the prospect of days (as in daylight) becoming longer to be depressing.