We , for the first time in my knowing and probably my Partners?, are having Father John for the day/night.

He is a retired Vicar ( Cannon of the diocese of Bradford?) and his second wife died of a return from Cancer in October.

He always thought he'd go first.

Triple bypass in his 40's, 'indulgent' life of feast not famine you might say.

Long Story short. Do I invite Audrey to the meal or do we stay mute?

She was his Wife but she was our friend.

Well? What do you think?

Merry Christmas!

I agree with Caz: put what is right for Audrey and both of you first.   I'd make sure everyone knew who was going to be there to avoid any possible awkward moments.

The sun is shining here, we have a white Christmas courtesy of overnight frost - and the turkey has been wrested into the oven....

Happy Christmas!

Audrey is his dear departed Caz.

Sorry for the confusion!

All the best, now at them sprouts ! they'll not trim themselves you know!

EDIT: I seem to have been my usual confusing self again don't I?

It is my intention not to ignore the loss of Audrey and treat it much the same as I would with Aud among us.

I just hope it does not exacerbate John's grief?

I know that the first Chrimbo/Birthday/Mothers/fathers Days without can be challenging.

I'd also not wish to clip John's wings if he wants to remember her and bring her to the table?

My answer is still exactly the same though.  Don’t ignore Audrey!  She was, and still is a part of your lives.  You can’t ignore that!  Don’t be solemn about it though.  Remember her briefly with fondness and happiness, definitely not with sadness.  Father Ted, no that’s not right, erm!  Your guest will not want his loss to be the cause of any sadness for any of you.  He’d feel awkward and guilty if it did. 

Don’t plan it.  Don’t make a speach or anything. Don’t tread on eggshells around him either.  Just go with the flow.  You’ll know what to say when the time comes.  Relax and enjoy!  

I find it comforting that we can just casually bring up our lost loved ones in conversation without awkwardness but without shutting them out.   

[edit] Sorry, of course, it’s Father John!  

Great to see you on here John.

Wishing you and everyone else on TWO all the best.

Merry Xmas everyone. Hope you and your children manage to enjoy this Xmas Nick.

Here's to a happy new year model watching, may there be plenty of Easterlies on the horizon, and may they occasionally verify!

Hi Caz, hope you had a great Christmas Day yesterday and hope everyone else did too.

We have discussing earlier in the thread and how those people who lose a loved one close to the festive season manage to cope. A school mate of mine back when I was in 4th year at high school lost him mum to cancer on a day or the year that would have been just as awful in terms of timing, namely his birthday and his 16th birthday no less. Awful enough, but this was only a couple of weeks before we were due to start our final 4th year exams too.

As someone else said earlier in the thread, let that sink in.

With regard to the timing of tragic events, I don’t know why we make such a big deal of it. We all do it and it’s illogical when you think about it. We all seem to think that a tragedy is worse at Christmas, or birthdays. But it’s no worse at all for those closely affected.  How many times do we hear someone has died and reply how awful that is at this time of year?

In the run up to Christmas, the local radio station ran an ad for a charity appeal for children who are in need at Christmas.  My sister pointed out how stupid it was, because the same children are just as much in need all year round.  We just seem to fixate on special times for some reason and we all do it but I can’t explain why.  Perhaps that’s the reason some people don’t like Christmas.  They expect it to be special but it’s just another day. 

We’d all like to live in a perfect world but we know we can’t.  It’s surely best to accept the world’s imperfections and accept that they won’t change just for special occasions on the calendar.  Then you avoid disappointment and have a better chance of being at peace with yourself.  

My family & I had a good Christmas thanks, Caz. Quiet but enjoyable, which is the type of Xmas I have been used to having since my earliest days. We have never been ones for doing anything outlandish or spending our money before Christmas as if there is no tomorrow!

You make a very good point about the way in which society in this country seems to treat tragic events that occur just before or during the festive season as being so much worse than they would be if they had happened at any other time of the year. Friday 21st December just gone was the 30th anniversary of the  Lockerbie bombing and even though I was only 9 years old at the time, I can still remember vividly where I was and what I was doing when I first heard about it. It was of course terrible that it happened only four days before Xmas of 1988, but it would have been no less awful and no less devastating for those families directly affected had it happened at any other time in the year. Likewise, the 9/11 attacks in 2001 would have been no more awful for all those families affected had they happened near to Christmas time instead of at the time of year that they did.

Also, it was only three days before Christmas 2014 when six people in Glasgow city centre were knocked down and killed by a bin lorry which went out of control after its driver had passed out at the wheel. Again, it would have been just as sad and as terrible had it been at any other time of the year.

That’s right David. 

Perhaps it’s supposed to be a reminder that while some of us are enjoying life, others aren’t.  But I’d argue that those who aren’t, were probably enjoying life when the rest of us weren’t.

We all go through bad times but life goes on!  We just just have to ride them out, then put them behind us, otherwise the whole world would be forever miserable!  

Happy New Year!  

Interesting reflections, Caz. I think that big public events like Christmas can add emphasis to personal tragedies which might be easier to deal with away from the hype. I have two dates to remember at this time of year - one in the run up to Christmas and the other on 6th when traditionally the decs come down. Part of the fabric of life really.

Roger

Quite right Caz- although you might be more qualified than many in managing difficult times, and somehow putting a positive spin on things- hope you don't mind me saying that.

I suppose also, Christmas events (and I agree with what DMP is saying) may come at a time when we are in reflective mode anyway- the end of another year and a time which has been institutionalised as a coming together of people, and especially family. The event itself is almost a shrine to 'expecting a nice time' and can become highly detached from reality, when a little epiphany moment like a tragedy somewhere can break the spell and seem more shocking; and since we're reflecting, and thinking of family, it becomes more difficult to ignore it? I don't know, musings, musings...

Edit: just seen Roger's post again and realise he pre-summed my point up- and rather more succinctly!

In one post I quoted an article that says we often set our expectations too high and get disappointed and I think Christmas is something idyllic we remember from childhood, when we had no cares, worries or life experiences!  Hence the reflection at Christmas as adults and the feeling of deep melancholy that some experience.

Yes, I have had some tough times and if I didn’t take a pragmatic and positive approach, I’d be no good to anyone now!  But there’s plenty of life in this tough old bird yet and if sharing my experience helps anyone in the slightest, then that’s even better!   

I feel much the same. I'm convinced that the best thing I can do for the young is to teach them. I'm not a lecturer but I'm lucky because I get invited to speak to audiences as a "subject expert" as part of my job. If I can impart even 10% of what I've learned to younger people who will benefit, I'm all for it and I consider that I will have done my duty.

I'll move this thread to the classics forum before it gets deleted.